Weight: 135.4
This has got to stop! Another gain....but at least it was only .2 this time. Anyway....made it through the holiday weekend....
Didn't get too much exercise in, but we will try to get moving again this week. :o)

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Well, this past Saturday I had another "episode" with the whole not smoking thing....had a few drags off of Cathy's cigarette after trying to "borrow" a cigarette from someone else. I had managed to be talked into NOT lighting that one and putting it back. Anyway, needless to say...I still tried to have a smoke and had a few drags off of Cathy's...which wasn't even any good since it was a menthol. I originally took a few drags from Cathy because Mike was having a cigar...which everyone said wasn't the same thing...I think that's bologna and tried to argue my side. I did however have wwwaaayyy too much to drink and just didn't care at that point. The last few things that I remember were arguing a little bit with Cathy, then sitting down for a while out back with everyone, then I went inside and grabbed my debit card, drivers license and cell phone...I was going to walk to the store and buy a pack a smokes. Really dumb! Needless to say...I did not end up trying to walk up there, however I remember going into my room crying and then waking up about 5:30 a.m. and everyone was gone. The other bad part of it...I remember other things happening, but do not know if they really happened or if I dreamt that they happened. (Yes...I am still having the all tooooo realistic dreams and it's starting to bother me. ) I thought I remember slamming a bunch of doors when I went in the house and then into my room for the night, then I also thought that I was talking to someone while I was crying and kept telling them that I didn't know why I was crying. (The only thing that I can think of why I was crying was because I was upset with myself...) Anyway, the next morning I woke up feeling a bit ill and feeling terribly stupid, embarrassed and confused. I asked Mike about stuff, but he had no clue....he didn't remember much of anything anyway. (I do know that I cried for real and not just dreamt it because when I woke up there were wadded up kleenex in the bed.) I just wish I knew what really happened, what I did or didn't do. Oh well...I am sure it will surface somewhere...

So anyway, onto these realistic dreams.....I actually stopped taking the medicine for 2 days to see if it would help or make a difference and I couldn't tell. However, I started taking it again as I was afraid that I would get a craving. I don't think we'll be taking the medicine too much longer because we're both doing good. Besides, Mike hasn't taken his in over a week or so anyway. We'll see....

We'll just see how these next couple of weekends go with the drinking.....however, I will probably always wish that I could just be a "social smoker"....nothing else, be done with it after that night, etc...hmmmm..... wonder if I could have cloves or something that was like a cigar....that's a thought.... ;o) LOL!